Hilda

Beautiful Hilda

My lady loves Ms. Hilda - all five tons of her.

I had to laugh when she tried jumping on the bed, missed and rolled backwards like a bowling ball. My lady was shocked, but I had to chuckle about it. In secret though. Ms. Hilda could kick my butt. I'm smart enough to know not to tick her off. English Bulldogs are tough cookies.

And smart too. When she wants the couch, she pretends like she's playing with a toy. The young ones always fall for that. As soon as the couch is free, she jumps into the spot. She knows what she's doing.

Although I think her sense of smell is a bit off. She keeps trying to go to the neighbors house when we came back from our walks. My lady has been apologizing to the neighbors all week. Hilda insists on dragging us up every sidewalk. My lady keeps telling her it's the wrong house, but when Hilda she has an idea in her head, there's no stopping her.

Needless to say, Ms. Hilda sleeps in the bed now. Yeah, she knows what she's doing.

Lovely Lady Jordan

Lovely Lady Jordan

No, you cannot seriously be thinking of having her here. God, really Lady? You have lost your mind entirely.

“I have a huge soft spot for seniors.” My Lady said to Granny’s owner. Why did they look at me when they said that? I may be older, but I am not that old. That girl has to be at least a hundred and twenty or something! Come on!

Jordan barely made it up the three steps into the house. Seriously, my Lady had to carry down the two steps into the back yard. She fell down every couple of feet. Didn’t stop panting for two days. It was enough to drive anyone mad. 

My Lady LOVED her though, which kind of ruffled my fur a bit. I avoided her completely. She smelled funny, her nonstop panting was irritating as heck, her constant falling down shook the house, and my lady spent way too much time talking to her and brushing her fur. I mean she really, really LOVED her. Jordan did have pretty fur though. Very long black hair that was kind of silky.

                 

“Thank you.” She said once when she caught me staring at it.

              

“For what?” I asked a little embarrassed that she caught me.

“My fur is pretty.” She huffed. “I used to be a show dog you know. Or could have been, if my owners ever thought to show me.”

I rolled my eyes. Great the granny was vain.

“Well, why didn’t they show you?” I had to ask

 

“Because," she said it like I was a little dumb.  "My lady decided to get married, have three children and add on two more dogs. There just wasn’t time.”

“Where is everyone now?”

“They all went on vacation.” She said it kind of sadly looking out the window. “I’m too old to go.”

Great. Could I be a bigger jerk? Poor chick.

“Sorry.” I said. “This place is better than any vacation, though.”  

“I like Ms. Julie. She’s kind of a big dork, but she’s so nice to me.”

“Is that why you insist on sleeping on the floor right next to her?” 

“Yes. I’m protecting her from the door, of course.”

“Yeah, that’s cool. Thanks.”

I guess I protected my Lady from the window? I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest. I just know the ex-boyfriend moved out and I took his place on the bed. The super, ultra comfy bed I might add. The ex wasn't such a smart guy. Leaving a prime bed is right up there in dumboland like saying "no" to treats. What smart guy does that? Just sayin.

Big Teeth and Little Paws

Madison "Maddie"

 “No little one, you will never be as big as me.”

“But why not Hay-mith?”

I groaned and put my head down. Her little lisp gets me every time.

“Let me see your big teeth again Hay-mith. Please…”

Oh, big yawn. “No,” but I yawned again, and threw in a moan for effect.

“They're so big!” she said with such amazement I smiled.

“Yes, I know little one.” The pups really do crack me up.

“You must really rip all those toys a lot.” Little Maddie chomped on a wee bear and shook her head, showing me her spunk. Then she promptly hacked up a puff ball.

Good grief. “Try not to eat the stuffing part, little one.”

“I can’t help it,” she said, her little tongue going a mile a minute. “Gets stuck in my teefe.”

Maddie and Hamish

“Like this,” I sighed, chomping on a bear, giving it a good shake, then settling down with it in my paws. “See? No messy stuffing.”

“Your paws are so big, Hay-mith.”

Oh, this is going to be a long conversation, and nap time is a’callin.

“Yes, Little Madison, they are.” I crossed my paws so she could get a better look.

“But I don’t have big paws or big teeth,” she said with a yawn.

Finally she gets sleepy. “No you don’t little one.”

Another big yawn from the tyke. “But why not?”

“Because I am a Great Dane, and you are…”

“Yes? What am I?” She perked up waiting to hear.

“A tinker toy multi-poo, or ‘designer dog,’ as my Lady calls you.” Now I yawned again. “You were made to fit into a human’s purse.”

“Oh,” she said quietly, looking so disappointed I gotta throw her a bone.

“Shake that toy again, though. You got it! Next time you’re in that Lady’s purse give it whirl.”

“Okay! I will!” she danced around. “I wuv you Hay-mith. Can I sleep on your pillow?”

“Yes, little one. Get some sleep.”

Cute Little Kona

Sorry I've been remiss on my postings! My allergies have been driving me nuts. My Lady is doing everything she can and I appreciate it. Hopefully I'll be back on track soon enough. In the meantime, here's a few characters you might want to meet -

Kona

Little Kona was one of the first little ones to come stay with us and she's been back a few times. She's a cute little thing. Bounces around a lot and loves to sniff me when I pretend I'm asleep. 

She has a hard time keeping up with me on walks though. My Lady has to carry her most of the time, but she doesn't seem to mind.

Little Kona likes to sit on my Lady a lot, curling up like a cat. Kinda weird for a dog to do that.

Kona made me realize my Lady really likes it when pups hug and kiss her a lot. I never knew that until I saw little Kona jumping all over my Lady, kissing her and snuggling on her. Hell, she seemed to be constantly on my Lady. Key word here is my.

It hasn't taken me long to realize these little fur balls aren't here to hang with me at all. They just want her - my Lady.

Kona

I'm not sure how I feel about that, so I've really been making an effort to sit in her lap more often. She doesn't mind a bit, despite her grunts. I'm not that heavy.

Forget the kissing part though. No way. I’m not kissing anyone.

Of course now my crazy Lady is on a mission for silly kisses. “Come on Hamish! Just a wee little kiss. Just on the cheek, just a little kiss…”

Good grief it's been ridiculous. She really needs to get out of the house more often.

Paws out,
HH
 

Joey and Penny - Gah! A Kissing Frenzy

Joey and Penny - crazy dog love

Joey came to stay with us for a few days. He was a cool dude, not very big, but chill. He was really "well behaved," my lady said. Not sure what she meant by that. Just because he sat, and danced and came immediately when he was called. I thought he was a little boring to be honest.

He kind of looked like a fox and not really a dog, but he smelled like a dog so that was cool. It was calm and peaceful in my home for a few days.

Then Penny came to stay.

Penny and Joey sitting in a tree, kissing and kissing and kissing all the time! Crazy how much those two kissed each other. It was downright disgusting.

Joey Boy

Penny was a six month old little girl, I’ll admit very cute, although she was one of those designer dogs. 

A Toy Australian Shepherd she was only about ten lbs if that. She was an exuberant little nugget, always flying around this way and that, crawling all over my Lady, kissing and cleaning her. She felt it was her job to clean everyone. She tried a couple times with me, but I said "no."  That’s just weird. Boundaries you know.

Joey loved it though, and started kissing her back. Good god they played like there was no tomorrow, always rolling around on each other, holding paws, licking each other’s teeth. Sharing all the toys, kissing some more. Always kissing!

The worst part was the food.  They insisted on sharing with each other, but completely forgot about me. That hurt my feelings even more than the non-stop cleaning sessions.

I tried to show them how the big boys play with one of my big fuzzy bears.  I stood in the middle of the room and shook it all around really hard. They just ran for cover and stared at me like I was crazy.

Then they started kissing each other again. Penny would run off and Joey would chase her, then they would flop all over, arms wrapped around each other, and kiss non stop, like for ever. Seriously their constant licking was driving me crazy. I now knew why my Lady told me to stop whenever she heard my licking. That constant licking sound drove me nuts. I barked at them to stop, and they would for like a second.

“What’s up?” they said in unison. Disgusting. They even thought alike.

No matter the momentary distraction, they went right back to playing and kissing again.

Little Penny Puppyhead

Finally Joey left, and although my Lady was worried Penny was going miss her new boyfriend, I was secretly glad. I kind of liked it when I was the only male in the house. Just sayin.

At least I felt that way until my Lady made up the Penny Puppyhead song. “Are you a nickel, or a dime or a quarter???? NO! You’re Pretty Penny Puppyhead and you live in my purse…” She carried that dog around constantly and Penny loved it.  She would jump on my Lady and wrap her body around her neck and kiss her all the time. And my Lady loved it. She would rub her belly and kiss her head and sing that dumb, dippy penny puppyhead song. I was seriously going to vomit.

“I just love, love, love your lady!” Penny giggled all the time. “She’s just so funny and sings really bad.”

I have to say although little Penny was adorably cute, I was super sick of seeing my Lady and Penny Puppyhead together all the time. And their non-stop giggle fest was annoying. I never got the joke. It really was a dumb song.

Surrounded By Girlies

Bouncer and Capri

It’s flying toy time in my house.

I’m surrounded by four lovely ladies– yes, I feel like the other famous H.H. – just call me Hamish Hefner for now.

The best part is they are super trainable. I had them barking at any sign of danger lurking about. I don’t know how much my Lady appreciated it though.

She does love the girlies – is obviously having a ball with the little fluff balls bouncing around. She loves the sounds of their pattering, little feet.

Yes, it's Romper Room

It’s annoying to watch them fight over her lap, though. So needy!

Little Capri Cupcake is staying with us awhile. Her lady is on some sort of cruise to Bora Bora or someplace like that. She’s a Coton de Tulear, very fancy and she knows it. She makes the cutest little cooing sounds, though. Like a little birdy. Only she’s a dog. I keep telling her that. She’s doing some obscene things with my Lady’s bunny slippers. Not sure what that’s all about.


Lily girl is a grand ole dame. She just had surgery, an emergency spay operation. At her age, going on eleven, it’s a pretty serious surgery. She’s definitely feeling better

Lily's on my couch

Bouncer and Bella are back again. They are always a trip. Bella certainly has some spunkiness to her. Loves to chase the squirrels in the back yard. She and Capri are playing non-stop. I try to join in, but they scamper away when I do.

today. My Lady spoon feeds her for pity's sake. High maintenance for sure.


Bouncer just wants to sit on my Lady’s lap. It’s kinda sickening with all the kisses. Her little Flashdance sweatshirt is cool though. “I get cold easily,” she said when I snickered. Ah, huh. Likely story.

Ugh, my paws are dirty. Great, my Lady notices my nasty footprints and now I have to get a bath. Gah!

Dinner time!

Wet paws out,
HH

Hannibal Hannah

My Lady kept saying “Hannah is coming. Hannah is coming.” What the heck is a Hannah?

Hannah turned out to be an older gal, completely bonkers about balls and set about using her wicked teeth to destroy every toy in the house. The flying squirrel was no more.

She barreled into the place like she was Queen Sheba or something. Grabbed every toy in her mouth like she was gathering nuts for the winter. There is nothing worse than a dog with a hoarding problem.

I hate to admit it but I actually felt sorry the little Jaeger meister. She claimed every toy in the joint and not once played with him. He kept following her around waiting for a morsel of fun, but nope. She was on a mission. Grabbed every toy she could stuff in her mouth and then would plop down on top of them like she was stockpiling for winter.

All of this happened in the first fifteen minutes of her arrival. In my house, I might add. If I wasn’t so doped up on pain killers I might have said something. Maybe. Naps are always better. I never liked confrontation too much. Especially with the older broads. Something about them was just like hands off buddy, if you know what’s good for you. For some crazy reason My Lady loved the old broads. The older the better she said. Which is kinda nuts, but I've learned to accept it.

So I’m a good hour or so into my hourly nap when all hell breaks loose.

At some point, Hannibal Hannah decided to dissect the room with her body, literally lying half in the room across the floor, barricading little Jaeger from getting to any of his toys, or his favorite chair.   

He’s quietly whimpering in the corner, pacing back and forth, trying to figure out a way to get around the big she-beast. Hannah’s doing what all females do when they feel like making someone crazy and completely ignoring him.

I looked at crazy Lady’s status, but she’s got her head buried in her machine, completely oblivious to the oncoming situation. Oh lord, this should be good.

All of sudden, little Jaeger leaps over Hannah, does this crazy back kick thing that was really quite impressive, grabs his tiny mouse thingy, and tries to make a jump for the chair. Hannah has other ideas. She stands up during his mid-air twist and little J man went flying back, his mouse thingy now airborne. 

A free for all in Hannah’s eyes, who easily snatches Jaeger’s beloved mouse in her shark-like jaws.

Stunned by his failure, little Jaeger sets off a howl that made every hair on my body stand up. I’m not kidding, I felt like a porcupine. Hannah drops the mouse and joins in, of course. Nothing like a good howl at the top of your lungs at 9AM to get the blood pumping.

I do what any good host does and join in. My howling is booming loud and really off key, the best howl there is, in my opinion.

My Lady’s thinking “not so much” and drowns us all out by turning up her classical music. How she stays awake to that stuff I have no idea. I’m out like a light. Considering the silence from J man and Hannibal, I’m guessing they’re out too.

Never a dull moment in my house.

Paws out,
HH